Ch. 12 The Thoughts of an Adolescent

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING from the Loud House.
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Miranda sat calmly in her chair, reading over some of the notes to prepare herself for another chat with one of the family members. Two minutes after the parents departed, she heard shuffling behind the door before it was slowly opened. Lori looked around cautiously before stepping inside.

"Lori?"

The 17 year old nodded.

"Ok then. I believe you already know my name so I can skip the introduction. Please take a seat." Lori sat on the lounging chair, her back straight and a frown adorned on her face. This didn't go unnoticed. "Don't worry dear. All we're going to is talk things over. You won't be in trouble for anything, and if you wish to keep certain information private, I won't tell a soul. Sound good?"

"Alright then..."

"Now, what seems to be troubling you?" This was probably a stupid question, but Miranda needed to break the ice.

The teen sat in silence for a moment, only staring at the floor. "Everything...home life is a wreck...my school life and reputation is in pieces...my love life is dead now...my only brother is sitting at the clinic, thinking I'm gonna kill him in his sleep..." Lori paused. "And right now...I'm pretty sure it's literally my fault that things turned out the way they did..."

"Care to elaborate on this?"

"What else is there? I don't know what you talked about with my parents, but it all adds up! If I didn't get into that stupid fight with Leni, our sister fight protocol wouldn't have happened, everything would still be as they were, and...Lincoln...he..." Lori couldn't finish that sentence without tears forming in her eyes.

Miranda could feel the 17 year old's pain, but she needed to delve deeper into this. "Ok then, let's take a step back for a moment. Aside from what happened recently, what is home usually like? What do you go through every day when your family is in better spirits?"

Lori grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes, not caring if her makeup was smudged. "Normally...things at home can be pretty...chaotic. I'd be on the phone talking with my boyfriend, in fact, that's what all my siblings think I do..." The teen stated a little irritably, gaining an expecting look from the doctor. "...Ok ok I do talk on my phone a lot, but that doesn't mean I don't take note of my siblings' activities. Leni is usually going on about the latest fashion trends, Luna is always thinking of a new song, Luan is always cracking corny jokes, Lynn keeps trying to make every little thing she does into a sport..."

The teen paused to take a breath. " Lincoln...he's usually busy reading his favorite comics, Ace Savvy I believe. Lucy is busy writing poems, and I wish she'd stop popping up at random. I swear, one of these days, she's literally going to wound up punched in the face if she does that to a random person. Lana and Lola usually fight over something trivial, and when they aren't, Lana is either feeding her reptiles and Lola is looking at herself in a mirror to keep up her pageantry. Lisa is always in her room working on whatever experiment she has in mind, and Lily, being the baby...just does whatever she wants."

"I see." Miranda scribbled down notes. "Given how you keep a close eye on your siblings, would you say you have a strong relationship with them?"

That was difficult to answer in Lori's mind. There was no doubt that she knew her siblings viewed her as being bossy, dominating, and tyrannical. Sometimes she'd use her age as an excuse to get what she wants. The fact she'd done this numerous times made it clear that she liked to be seen as being superior to them. What girl wouldn't? However, Lori did have a few good reasons for her behavior.

"Yes...yes I do. My sisters and brother often think I'm this self-absorbed person that just pushes them around due to the fact I'm the oldest. Unfortunately...they are right about that to a degree...but that doesn't mean I don't love them. I love everyone in my family even though I don't show it that often, and even if I do have to threaten them, I'm only doing what's best for them. Any time mom and dad leave the house, I'm always put in charge. None of my siblings like this because I'm practically this drill sergeant and I have them spend the rest of the night in their rooms."

"What's your reasoning for this?"

"...If I let them do whatever they wanted, we literally wouldn't have a house to live in." Lori lied down as she went into deep thought. "When I was 9, my parents felt it was ok for me to start looking after everyone else while they went out. I only had 6 siblings then, as Lucy was just a few months old. I was both excited and nervous because I didn't want to let my parents down, but at least we could finally have some freedom. I just let everyone do what they wanted and we had few issues. But as the family grew both in size and age...things got crazier..."

-Flashback-

A 13 year old Lori was running around the house, trying to control her siblings. Rita and Lynn Sr. went out to the movies roughly two hours ago, and the eldest sibling was growing increasingly worried that they'd be home any minute.

"Lynn, stop playing soccer in the house!" Lori yelled, ducking as the aforementioned ball came screaming at her. "Grr!" She spotted an infant Lisa doodling on the wall. "Lisa, you can't write on the wall!" Lori stated, taking the crayon from her. The teen was a bit shocked to see her doodle was actually some sort of math problem. This made the baby start to cry, making Lori cringe. "Ok ok, you can write...for five minutes!"

Lisa blew a raspberry at her before giggling.

The 13 year old then spotted the twins, only 2 years old, fighting over a doll.

"Mine!" Lola yelled.

"Mine!" Lana yelled.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Nu! Mine!"

Lola took the doll with more force and bopped her twin on the head. "Mine!"

Enraged, Lana pounced on her. Their big cloud of violence moved about throughout the living room, nearly hitting Lincoln and Lucy who were sitting on the couch. The duo was too engrossed watching ARGGH! to pay attention to their surroundings.

"Not again..." Lori groaned inwardly. However, she needed to get Lynn who was still kicking a ball around the house. Amazingly, the girl hadn't broken anything yet. "Leni, can you wrangle the twins?! I gotta get Lynn!"

Leni poked her head out of the kitchen before quickly going back in to get some water. Lori had no idea what she was going to do, but she hoped it would quell those two beasts. Lori chased Lynn up the stairs, the 9 year old taunting her all the while. Lynn was already growing to be quite the quickster, as the 13 year old had issues catching her, to the point the teen lost track of that sports fanatic. Growing increasingly frustrated, Lori decided to use her brains instead of her muscle.

"Ok Lynn, you win~!" She sang. "I'll let you play soccer all you want~!" Lori then ducked into one of the rooms.

Lynn poked her head out of the closet at the end of the hall, checking for any signs of the blonde. Thinking she lost her, Lynn hummed to herself while kicking the ball repeatedly into the air. As she made her way to the steps, the little jock failed to notice someone creeping up behind her.

"Gotcha!" Lori yelled as she tackled the girl.

Unfortunately, this caused them both to tumble over the steps. Lori quickly braced herself so she'd take most of the brunt force while protecting the 9 year old in her arms. When they reached the bottom, the two girls suddenly found custard on their faces.

A 10 year old Luan laughed. "Guess whose got pie on their face?" Lori and Lynn groaned in annoyance. Having found her passion for comedy when she was 8, the little girl was doing her best to become an aspiring comedian. Lynn Sr. definitely approved of her jokes, but to everyone else? Not so much. You'd think after two years she might have gotten better.

Meanwhile, Luna came and sat down next to her siblings on the couch. Being only 11, she was quite troubled with wondering what kind of activity she'd be interested in. This was especially worrisome as Luan and Lynn seemed to have found their passions quite early. The little girl wasn't too interested in watching something about ghosts, so she grabbed the remote to change the channel.

"Hey! We were watching that!" Lincoln yelled.

"Sorry Lincoln, but I'm not that interested in spooky stuff..." Luna stated, randomly flipping through channels.

"Spooookeeey..." Lucy said.

"Well me and Lucy were here first, so give me that!" The 7 year old grabbed for the remote.

However, Luna wasn't so keen on giving up control of the TV. Pretty soon, all 3 siblings were squabbling over the remote.

Leni came back with a pitcher and doused water on the twins, hoping to put out their little flame war. "You guys seemed heated, so I wanted to cool you down!" The blonde said cheerfully.

However, she was met with looks of anger before Lola and Lana turned their aggression towards her. This caused an even larger fight that quickly drew everyone else in. The trio first bumped into the siblings on the couch, causing them to get involved with the brawl before slamming into Lori, Lynn, and Luan, the former two still busy getting pie off their face. At this point, the only sibling not involved in the brawl was little Lisa, who stared at them with a bored expression. Lori ended up getting thrown out of brawl and slammed into the wall. Her impact caused a few pictures above her to fall on her head as a result.

Being 13 years old, puberty was beginning to hit her hard. She was already wearing braces to correct her teeth, had a few zits, and more importantly, she was prone to sudden changes of emotion or expressing it in extreme volumes. Lori looked at her quarreling siblings as her anger built up. Her face turned red as she started grinding her teeth, something you shouldn't be doing when you have braces. All they had to was listen to her for just one second. Was that too hard to ask? In the Loud House, apparently so.

"THAT'S IT!" Her voice boomed, causing everyone to stop what they were doing. Lori stood up with the look of pure rage etched on her face, making her siblings shrink in fear. "ALL OF YOU ARE SPENDING THE REST OF THE NIGHT IN YOUR ROOMS, DOING NOTHING! AND IF I HEAR SO MUCH AS A PEEP, I'LL TURN YOU INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL! IS THAT CLEAR?!"

"But we-" Lincoln started.

"I SAID IS THAT CLEAR?!"

Everyone nodded before hurriedly scampering up the stairs. Lori breathed heavily for a few moments before taking in the mess around her. Giving a heavy sigh, the teen started the long process of cleaning up the living room and the kitchen. By the time Rita and Lynn Sr. got home, she was passed out on the couch. It was oddly quiet for the first time in the Loud House, but the parents didn't question what Lori did. All they knew, is that she did a good job watching over everyone.

-End Flashback-

"And that was the first time I yelled at any of them..." Lori said as she ended her story.

"That's quite the tale Lori. How did you feel about it afterwards?" Miranda asked.

"Terrible...I didn't want to have to do it, but they literally drove me so far up the wall I just...lost control of myself..."

"I can understand that. Your patience was worn thin by that point. But why do your siblings see you as nothing but bossy?"

"...I wanted to make up to them for that incident, but as most would say...puberty was a bitch...still is. My emotions would get out of control and I would end up saying the wrong thing, I keep acting selfish at times when it's unwarranted...and when it comes to watching over the house when our parents are gone, if being bossy and mean was the only way they'd listen to me, then that's what I just stuck with...I realized this made me look like a bad sister in their eyes, but if I can't really change their minds, then might as well be the sister they think I am..."

The doctor wrote down more of this. "But in the end, you still love them with all of your heart right?"

Lori nodded. "...Over the past 3 years of watching them, it feels like I've grown up so fast...I practically know what mom feels like when she raised us but...this is the real confusing part for me. I'm always there for my siblings, or try to be, for the most part, and I always take joy in watching them accomplish stuff on their own, but to me it feels...empty...like I want to be with them for the most part, but I get this knot in my stomach knowing that I'm close to going to college and leaving the house...I'm just not sure what they'd do without me, if that makes sense."

"Hmm..." Miranda tapped her chin with her pen. "Would you say you've done something very selfish and crazy?"

Lori looked at the ceiling in guilt. "...I had this deal with my siblings that I'd offer them free rides in exchange for doing my chores...they didn't like it so much, and decided to help Leni earn her license. Now, Leni is old enough to drive with a permit, but being she's...Leni...she's failed her test so many times like a certain sponge on a kids show. I'm actually surprised the DMV allows her to re-take it so many times. Thanks to my sisters, but mainly Lincoln, she learned to drive properly..." Tears started to form in her eyes. "But for some reason...I just couldn't let her succeed. I wanted to be the one to give her lifts to wherever she wanted to go...doing so made me feel warm inside knowing I'm helping my siblings. So...I ended up sabotaging Leni's mind to get her to fail her test..." A few tears slid down her cheeks.

The doctor now had a clearer picture and had one theory in mind. However, just to be sure... "...Lori, do you see yourself as being a 'second mother' to your sisters and brother?"

The teen gave a confused look, not sure where Miranda was going with this. "Um...I guess? Might be because I've watched over them a lot while growing up."

"Well, you may not know it, but I believe you have an issue where you're afraid of seeing your siblings becoming independent."

Lori's eyes went wide at this. "W-Wait, how can that be true?"

"After watching your siblings over the last few years, you've clearly developed a strong bond with them. I'm not sure how often your parents leave them in your care, but you do seem to take a lot of pride in the fact you care for them to the point it almost feels like you're raising them yourself. As a mother, it's not uncommon to be worried about your babies growing more independent to the point they leave the nest. You know that, at some point, they'll be your age and be ready to leave the house just like you will soon. And as you said, you feel as if you know how Rita felt when she was raising you. As such, you find yourself as being something like a mother to the others."

Lori took a moment to process this information. With the sisters close to her age, they felt more like actual siblings. But to the younger ones...she'd do anything to protect them, like a sibling would. But for some reason, that didn't seem to sit well in her mind. While Lincoln had taken up the role of helping his sisters more due to the fact Lori herself didn't have the time, she was fully aware that such a task was her responsibility before Lincoln effectively grew up enough to handle it. That's also why she laughed at him the time her siblings managed to finally usurp control from her during her usual babysitting duties. Lori knew Lincoln couldn't handle it, and just as she thought, the house went into full chaos in a matter of minutes. It was a very grateful experience as Lori finally had a sibling that understood why she acts the way she does, and because she knew it would help Lincoln when he becomes the oldest kid in the house, after Lynn moves out that is.

"...I...I think you're right on that...but what should I do?...I don't want to pretend to be this bossy, overbearing sister anymore...I want to be the sister I've always wanted to be since I was 13..."

"You can Lori. You can do this, by letting your siblings branch out and grow up to be the adults you know they'll be. You can't be around with them forever, but trying to make it so you can will not only hurt them in the long haul, but also yourself. If you want to be the kind and caring sister you know you can be, then don't stop trying to change their minds about how they currently see you. The reason you became this dominating figure is because you did the one thing you shouldn't have done: giving up. By not giving in to their accusations, you could have changed their minds about this a long time ago. But, as they say, there's no time like the present."

Lori stared at Dr. Lopez for a moment. She was right. She gave up too soon to change their opinions of her. The teen knew she couldn't ask the doctor how to go about this, as this was something she'd have to do on her own. Lori would also be sure to thank Clyde for giving her family a really good therapist.

"Now, concerning present issues...why did you get into a fight with Leni over a dress?"

The 17 year old hated thinking about that incident. "...I was just being the selfish bitch I had grown to being used to...I put my own pride ahead of my sister, and in the end, Lincoln was right...Mom was right...it was stupid and petty of me to think like that...me and Leni could've looked like twins...but I had to open my stupid mouth..."

"How close would you say you are to Leni and Lincoln?"

"Leni is literally my roommate...we've been sharing the same room since we were babies. At times we'd get into arguments, but in the end, we still loved each other with all our hearts...as for Lincoln..." Lori took a pause, remembering the fond memories she had with him. However, this also brought up all the times she acted like a total prick. "While I don't show it...I love my brother to the very bottom of my soul...when he first came into this world, I still hate myself for literally being against him due to the fact he was a boy..."

Miranda gave a weary look. "It was at the time I thought boys were gross ok?..." Lori added.

"But over time, I quickly warmed up to him. Luna was the first to hold him as a baby, but I did my part in clothing, feeding him, and even playing with him." Lori gave a small smile. "I still remember the times I fed him ice cream. He still likes Mint Chip from what I remember...I also played with him on the swings whenever I took him to the park. He'd always say 'Higher Lori! Higher!'. As he got older, I started calling him 'twerp'. Occasionally, it was used as an insult, but it also became an affectionate nickname for him. He didn't seem to mind it. Hell...Lincoln is also the reason I have a job right now. He even filled in for me the night I had to work during prom! You don't see any 11 year old doing that. In response, I'm practically the reason he has a girlfriend now, even though I did throw stuff at him in anger at one point...I even got him a new gaming visor after accidentally sitting on his old one, though he gave a rather...colorful message to me while I went out to get it without telling him..."

"What brought this about?"

"I was in one of my moody days and he stumbled into the room on accident...I threatened to turn him into a human pretzel to get him to leave...I wouldn't actually do it, but I just didn't want to be bothered at the moment. I realized I should've just apologized to him first before getting a replacement game for him..." A frown formed on her face. "Lincoln's done a lot for me and my sisters. He's the best brother I could've asked for...but what does he get in response? Being pushed around? Treated as if his opinion doesn't matter? Getting sent to the hospital all because of a stupid fight I started?!" She gripped the armrest in anger. "Lincoln may be a nuisance at times, but it should have never come to this! Now, he's living in fear of me, my sisters, and who knows what else, and I've been acting like nothing but a conniving bitch who uses her age as a bargaining chip to get what she wants!..."

The teen gave a few sniffles. "...I just want to take it back...I want to take back all the times I treated him less than a brother and was mean to him...but life doesn't work that way..."

Miranda kept a stoic expression as she watched the teen. "Don't worry Lori. In time, you will make it up to your brother. It will be a long process, but first, I need to work with Lincoln so you can talk to him without the poor boy going into a panic attack..."

"...If you're going to do that...promise me...you'll do everything you can to bring back the little boy I used to know..." Lori said, her tone sincere and very serious.

"I haven't failed a patient yet, and I don't intend to in the future...now, is there something else on your mind? Perhaps concerning your parents?" The doctor pointed out.

Lori gazed at the floor for a moment. "Right...it just bothers me that mom and dad hid in their room while the rest of us were fighting...when I think about it, any parent would've put a stop to this a long time ago...and it was only recently that mom scolded us...I would also point out on April Fools Day they hid in Lisa's bunker, though to be fair, Luan's pranks would make anyone hide in fear...I know they want us to handle our own conflicts, but after what happened last week...it almost seems like they have what Lincoln has..."

"I have discussed this with Rita. She wants to assure everyone that she isn't afraid of her own kids. But she did say you girls are hard to control..."

Lori understood that much. Eleven kids is a big amount to gain control over. Heck, it was hard enough getting the aid of your parents when everyone else needed the same thing. But, it did help the teen in assuring that her parents wouldn't end up like her little brother.

"Is there anything else on your mind Lori?"

The 17 year old thought for a moment, but was drawing a blank. She knew what she had to do now, all she needed was time and patience. In the long run, she hoped to remove the current image her siblings had on her.

The teen shook her head. "No..."

Miranda nodded. "Alright then. Thank you for your time dear. And it seems I have enough time to talk with one more person."

"Who would that be?"

"I wish to speak with..." She looked over her notes. "Lisa."

Lori nodded before getting up and headed out the door. Miranda probably could've spoke with Leni first to see how she felt about the fight and the fallout of it, but this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. If Lisa was as smart as the parents were suggesting, this would make for a really interesting session.